We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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