Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
