felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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