i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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