drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
