Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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