I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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