that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
