I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
