I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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