so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
