Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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