Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
home. puking in laundry basket.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
