Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
