I can tuck mytits in my pants
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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