i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
