I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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