If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize