Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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