Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Randomize
