If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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