cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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