woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Fuck appropriateness.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
