Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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