Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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