Little spoons don't ask big questions
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
