tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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