He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
