Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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