I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
