I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize