My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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