Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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