Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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