I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
