Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
