I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
