how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
