I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
