p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
