ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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