i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
