You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
