Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
