WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
