So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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