i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
