this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
