He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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