Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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