so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
