i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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