the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
