It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
