my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Randomize
