So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
