I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
