Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
