wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
