In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Randomize
