day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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