I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
