Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize