You really coming over, don't trick.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
