id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
