My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
