Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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