someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
