Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize