she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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