im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize