I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
