This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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