Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
In America we eat man semen.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize